The Overthinker

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 Weeks and weeks of constant headaches, sore body, fatigued mind, spilled emotions and parched eyes is what overthinking gets you to. Things that are simply trivial to you are things that haunt me every night. You might not know this, but I tend to hold grudges over stuff that has faded in everyone's memory. These memories hold no pity and never rest. Memories that constantly stumble my stability, memories that dig their way up like shards of broken glass through my skull, memories that judge me, and memories that just keep on torturing even when I give up and surrender.

It's not easy to come up with shallow delusions every time. It's not easy to add a full stop, and it's not easy to gather the courage to re-evaluate and let things go. People who feel interlaced in every memory that I knit, detach, and letting them fade to yesterday makes me more miserable. The void they gift, questions, and I cannot explain myself enough for it never is just a question. The things that I did, which led me to places I didn't wish to be in, wakes me up every morning and keeps me awake every night. Even the steps ahead outweigh in question marks. Nothing spontaneous is likable, and nothing likable becomes spontaneous.

When you poke a needle through my skin, I shall keep my lips shut, go home and pull apart my organs, open myself up and try to find the answer to that hole. If you make me cry, I shall make myself bleed. And, if you ever hurt me, I shall hurt myself again and again. I really want to be helped, but I can't be. You shall come with a spark to light my night, and I shall set myself on fire with the same spark you brought. I shall make you turn your back and shall never stop blaming myself. May I one day go to sleep alongside the overthinker that calls me home, and may it wake up without me, or I wake up without it.